For my sanity

I figured out how to stay sane with kids. It took me almost four years to figure it out, but I finally did. Wanna know? Self care. I don't mean just taking care of yourself when you are sick, or feeling mentally low. We're talking preventative here. I put every single bit of myself into my children for 4 years. I barely did my hair, stopped painting my nails, didn't bother hanging out with friends, didn't want to work on my relationship with my husband, and gave myself a great deal of anxiety thinking about every single movement my children were making. Wondering if they were acting 'off' because they were sick, or what I was going to teach them the next day, or what shapes I was going to cut their snacks into. I lost it so many times. After I think our twelfth move in three years, I had gotten so depressed from isolating myself, not sleeping and non stop thinking about children 24/7. I read books, tried to work on my relationship with my husband (which I was already done with) and started taking a stand for myself when I knew I couldn't count on him to give me a rest. I looked at him one day, and told him I was going out without the kids. He fought me, and made me feel guilty for asking for time for myself, but I tuned him out, kissed my boys goodbye and went to my sister's house for a BBQ her and her fiancé were having for 4th of July. From that day on, I had found a new sense of self love, happiness and desire for something more than just the two little boys at home. I loved them more than anything, but I needed some time away from my 'job.' I started feeling more and more like myself, and actually found happiness once again. Now, a year and a half later, I still find time for self care. Even with a new baby, I paint my nails when I can, start a craft, leave the house for a coffee and to go grocery shopping a lone, started up yoga, go to Mom's night out with friends and take a hot bath at the end of the night. And I don't mean all of these things once a month. I actually get a lot of self care time. I happen to now be with someone who respects my need for that, and doesn't make a single negative comment about it. In fact, sometimes he even goes as far as suggesting it. It may seem selfish to some people, but I need it and he knows that..and that makes me feel loved, and it's how I stay sane. Or at least as sane as I will get.